General humour, parodies, poems, stories and other oddments. This site is being pruned rather than duplicating content that's elsewhere.
Poems, Parodies & Songs
URBAN MYTHSContinuing Saga of Captain Pugwash - the legend of naughty character names
Crying Boy Curse Myth
Letter from Army Girl and variations
Revocation of Declaration of Independence Lore
Spoof Dudley & Manchester Earthquake Appeals and derivatives
Twelve Days of Christmas - Food or Faith?
Hokey-Cokey & O Come All Ye Faithful - Hidden Meanings or Modern Hobbyhorses?
Shag Bands and Sex Bracelets - Myth and Fact
Walkers Crisp Packet Collections and Similar Hoaxes
Real Bread Pudding Recipe i.e. none of your bread-and-butter pudding slop!
The Baragami Home Page - The Ancient Welsh Decorative Art.
Aeromodelling Humor (from the 1980s)
Atomic Level Tiredness
Aviation Humour: Ground Crew Gripes
Aviation Humour: Cockpit Chatter
Aviation Humour: Flight Attendant Put-Downs, Check-In Wisecracks
Aviation Humour: Phonetic Alphabet Wisecracks
Babbage Difference Engine No 2 : The advertising pitch ...
Bold Foot and Shy Foot Adventures : For all foot-lovers
Book of Aeth : For all Aethists
British Hospital Protest Song - Waiting List Wars; Poetic Injustice - Immigrant's Ode an analysis of the social comment and the political incorrectness in these widespread verses.
Bufty the Vampire Slayer: bicycle-geek humor
Canteen Food Memo : perils of outsourcing canteen caterers.
Christmas Studies O Level Exam Paper Brit photocopier humour (1980s)
Company Procedure in Case of Imminent Asteroid Impact Crossbred Dogs and Mutant Moggies
Difference Between Hardware Engineers and Software Engineers
Difference Between Men's Magazines and Women's Magazines
Disability Rhyming Slang
Electronics Engineers Guide to Gasms OR-gasms and AND-gasms!
Federal Aviation Authority Poetry Department: FAA Literary Criticism of classic poetry
Fools' Errands : Long waits, tall orders & pachyderm trunking
Geekospheres - Your Guide to the Secret World of Nerds and Geeks
Greeblings - An Engineer's Guide : disappearing odd socks & multiplying coat hangers!
A Guide to Student Types on Adult Courses
A Guide to the Various Species of Newsgroup User
Hardware Engineers are from Venus, Software Engineers are from Mars
Haynes Manuals - The Real Meanings
HGV Humour - trucker humour, Anglo-European trucker phrasebook
Icarus Accident Report : CAA's first ever investigation?
If Military Hardware Salesmen Were Like Double Glazing Salesmen
If Software Engineering Was Like Car Mechanics Hand me that DO-WHILE-loop-optimising wrench ....
ISO: Inebriated Staff Outing : Company procedure for pub crawls
Letters from Sari : letters from the 'daughter from hell'.
Lift Demons - the real explanation of powered flight!
Little Known Canine Ailments
Little Known Children's Ailments
Medical Acronyms and Doctors' Slang
Military (and Civilian) Reactions to Snake Threats
Miserable Bastard Scale - for newsgroups and forums
Mozart Effect: Music's effect on developing children
My Dog Has Fleas - In Various Musical Styles
Occupational Reactions to Locating Black Cats in Dark Cellars
Treknology Ode to Treknology
Original Trojan Horse Virus Alert : Correspondence between Hector & Laocoon
Paindaemoanium : parody biography of fictional rock band
Pegasus Air-Strike Incident Report : what if Zeus shot down Pegasus & Bellerophon today?
Perils of Company Canteen Food
Porcine Aviation Files : OldMacDonald-Dugless, Boaring & Swillair
Porcine Aviation Files II: Pioneers of Porcine Aviation
Porcine Aviation Files III: Piggles of The Royal Porcine Flying Corps
Porcine Aviation Files IV: Ovine Aviation - The Sheep Strike Back
Porcine Aviation Air Force Marching Song
Process Improvements From History: Boudica
Process Improvements From History: Vlad Dracula
Rare British Fauna: Haggis, Priddy Oggy, Welsh Rarebit etc
Real Chat-Room Romances, Cyber Striptease & Swarfega Seduction
Regional Barbie and Ken Dolls : British parody
Relationship Lifecycle : software engineer's guide to man-woman relationships
Return of the Cheddar : cheesy SF parody
Sadomasochist's Dictionary Alternative BDSM Dictionary
Sadomasochists' Peace Protest
Titanic 2 - The Sea-Quell : script for sequel to Titanic
What If Microsoft Made Cats, What If Microsoft Made Dogs?
Wincing Matilda 1: The Vasectomy Epic
Wincing Matilda 2: The Kidney Stone Saga
Wincing Matilda 3: Black Sack Story
Women Humor: Sexist, but funny
Work Experience Student's Diary & Apprentice From Hell
POEMS, PARODIES & SONGS
95 Was Painless, Windows Pie : Windows version of "Suicide is Painless", "American Pie"
Another Gene in the Pool: Genetic Engineering
Another Glitch in the Call, Code of the Crimson King : Computing classics
Boeing Planster's Vision
The Bold Aviator (WWII song)
DIY Enthusiast's Country Song
Electro-Optics Engineer's Lament
Dragonqueen's Favorite Poems
Green Eggs & Ram (Extended) and other odes
Humans Can Lick Fingers Too : urban myth poem
In My Killfile
Johnny Comes Marching From Iraq, Iraqi Torturer
Just Don't Say You're English
Oh God, It's Friday Night Again
Old Rover - Now I've owned an old Rover for many a year ...
Ode To A Predatory bus Spotter
Poor Percy P, The Pure Mathematician whose pure maths was applied!
Quoth the Server "404"
Sodhexo, Sodoffskian Rhapsody, Sodoffskian Pie, Sodoffski Fair : Song parodies about company canteen
Song of the Gremlins (WWII song)
Synergy (The Song) "When the Board-room cries and you don't know why"
System Test Twenty-Oh-Three and VAX Crash Ballad
Un1ty Is Painless
The Walrus & The Carpenter & Whether Pigs Have Wings
We're Never Going To Get To Wembley : satirical football song
DRAGONQUEEN'S OWN VERSE
Self-indulgent section! Some of it was written as lyrics for friends' bands. Some was written by friends during college days. Co-author of Petulia's Party/Albion is Dale Ashman: http://www.daleashman.co.uk (for Dale's latest CD). Dale's song-writing friend Dave Stead's site is at: Forbidden Zone/Orange Box .
Albion & Babylon : poetic correspondence between 2 friends regarding hope and despair
The Judgement of Man, The Man Who Spoke The Truth, Planet With No Name
DRAGONQUEEN'S STORIES & DREAMS
Most of my stories came to me in dreams as complete stories. Friends tell me I don't have dreams, I have "in-sleep movies". After a vivid dream, I sat down to type it up; some hours later I would "come to" and read what I had typed, having no memory of actually writing it. Some needed a little work to make sense of the story, but others have been left just the way I dreamt them. I used to write the stories to amuse friends. Most have a SF&F theme.
A Dream of Elves : to see what is hidden; to be hidden from what is seen and the madness it brings.
Alain and the Ivory Dragon : A young boy discovers that dragons aren't quite what legend makes them out to be.
The Ancient Hero : A maidservant goes in search of King Arthur, but neither are quite what they seem.
Aymees : The aliens who shared Earth's final days.
Bloody Mary : A vampire hunter with a difference?
Body Loan : the latest in interstellar commerce - loan out your body as a temporary vessel for an alien mind!
The Bright and the Bleak : parallel worlds and parallel lives
Caerinnon : A sorcerer in our world's far-flung future seeks answers from the ancient past.
The Cult of the Wolf and the Rose : some scribblings left over from role play game days.
Dale Fliers : A premonition dream (from 1979) of an England where football (soccer) has been banned.
Dancing the World's End : Four people dance the dance of life to revive a dying land
The Dead King : A dead and despised king is reawakened to help his country in this tale of war and nec-romance.
A Different Kind of Immortality : trading flesh for memory-implanted silicon - death or immortality?
The Director : A dream of sex, work and betrayal
The Dove Prince : A fairy tale about two lovers in a world of magic and beauty.
Eric the Vampire : A woman who falls in love with a vampire? (And before ever hearing of Buffy!)
The Forests of the Moon : Finding myself in another reality where the moon is green and the world is drowned.
Future City : A dream which dumped me in the future, to being forcibly resettled in a hive of glass and metal.
The Golden Motor Car : a dream of finding myself in a world where the train had never been invented.
The Hawk and the Demon : short dream of supernatural beings loose in our world
Her Strong Enchantments Failing : a sorceress is challenged by a powerful young wizard - what will it mean for her land?
The Human Factor : A dream about human evolution in a machine-run society.
The Hunter : Short paranoid dream/story of a mutant human stalked by a genetically engineered hunter.
I Fade Away : Short dream that hinted at vampires, with a twist.
The Journey : a fairground accident sends two people on a strange journey which only one of them will complete.
Journey To My Station In Life : Dream about an unusual train journey.
The Last Days of Mankind : A dream in which I found myself part of a human resistance against aliens.
The Last Dinosaurs : A dream of sentient dinosaurs who left behind genetically engineered proto-humans, but no trace of the saurian civilization.
Lights, Camera, Action! Short tale of passion on and off the film set.
Loving the Centaur : A short erotic tale about a creature half-man, half-horse.
Maybe Another Time : a love affair across the years.
Mrs Watson gets A Cab
Necra and the Politics of the Dead : Necra, where Living Rights Actionists are losing out to the Dead Party.
Odd Short Dreams : A few odd, short but very vivid dreams which made an impact on me.
Odd Short Stories : A few very short stories.
Only Two Days : A dream of my own death (I gave up smoking after this dream)
Puppy and Otter Stories : A cute, innocent puppy and his romps with his best friend, the otter
Pyramids and Memories : an immortal traveller on a far future Earth remembers how it once was.
Return Tickets Are Not Valid On This Route : A train to nowhere.
Sandstorms : A tale of honour, mercy, courage and hope among the glider fliers who live in a vast, harsh desert.
Silicon Dreams : Two desert traders discover a relic from the time before.
Sleeping With The Devil : One night of ecstasy ... but don't look into his eyes!
A Song of Magic : A singer invokes the wrath of a great mage when she falls in love with his apprentice.
The Soul-Harp : A travelling harpist finds herself playing the harp which once belonged to the greatest harpist of all, an instrument which is reputed to contain his soul.
Space Port at Shakers Valley : Can you live a past life in the future?
Spider Ship : A space rescue mission manned by spiders.
Summer's Echoes : A sceptical ghost-hunter finds himself in the middle of an all-too-solid ancient battle.
The Teacher Learns : A teacher and student journey into the not-too-distant future.
The Thinker : In a series of dreams over several years I saw/felt the life of a person living in a future time.
A Visit to the University of Life
The Wheel That Turns The World : Odd short story about seeing the cogwheels of the universe.
A World I Knew : Odd dream about a person trying to escape the parasitic creatures taking over humans.
Tubby's Secret Life : Innuendo-laden story, which might or might not be erotic depending on the reader.
Where Were You Last Night : unerotica.
The World In A Wine Glass : a chase, its limits defined by the duration of a wine-glass's fall.
I had a dream the other night,
I can't remember what I dreamt,
But I ache for what it meant -
It told a tale of things long lost,
Of futile search, but what struck me most,
Was how the dreams we can't recall,
Can scar the mind and change us all.
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