THE BOEING PLANSTER'S VISION
(With apologies to John Betjeman)
Retire that airplane - flights too many and too long;
Roaring jet engines over tarmac bare,
Hurling that jumbo into windy air,
Full of cramped passengers and corp'rate throng.
Remove those Boeings, they are too old,
747s, they are old hat now,
We will replace them, but we don't know how,
To save share price and keep our market hold.
I have a Vision of the Future chum,
The Airbus planes in skies of deepest blue,
Surging forth like silver pencils, score on score:
And ailing Boeing hears the Challenge come
From TV screens and airport lounges too,
"No flight too long - all's Airbus evermore"
"I really like that 'superstructures' program. they spend 75% of the time marvelling at the Boeing behemoth and then the last segment is ... let's look at Boeing's vision of the future. Oh! They haven't got one. Let's talk about this nice shiny new Airbus instead.
BOEING is an acronym for Bits of Engine In Numerous Gardens
The most dangerous thing in an Airbus is a badly-trained pilot (i.e. taking the rudder beyond its ultimate load). Those planes are so well-designed and safety-conscious (glide landing in Azores, safe landing with nosewheel twisted 90 degrees) that I'd rather be in a competently piloted Airbus with a technical problem than on a Boeing with the same problem.
News headline: Boeing to 'raise the rhetoric' in subsidy row with Airbus.
< Scene : Boeing HQ deep underground somewhere in Illinois >
'What are we going to do? The Pentagon have just rejected our $23 billion dollar deal to supply 767 tankers, one of our VPs has just pleaded guilty to conspiracy to defraud the govt, our former CFO is being investigated by a Federal Grand Jury for conspiracy to defraud, three of our launch vehicle managers have been indicted on charges of industrial espionage, we're having to close the 757 and 767 production lines because nobody wants to buy them any more, those damn Europeans are selling more planes than us and our new plane won't be ready for another four years. What are we going to do?' ... 'I know - let's bring back that hoary old chestnut about Airbus subsidies. That'll give those idiot journalists something other than our constant disasters to write about.'
Well you could guess they were thinking of something like this when they set up that new press department, run by Al Maynard and employing Bradley Outshined as Market Analysis and Technology Specialist. Bradley has set up a new working party to develop the new concept demonstrator based on Boeing's patented Scarlet Fish research strategy to enable the benefits of albino pachyderms to overcome the inherent shortcomings of bovine dairy suppliers. Given this approach in their core business development is it any surprise that they have to resort to tarring the water boiler with an ethnic epithet?