SADOMASOCHIST'S DICTIONARY - OR PUTTING THE PUN INTO PUNISHMENT

BRING AND TIE SALE
Slave auction solely for bondage enthusiasts.

BRING AND TIE STALL
For Dom(me)s with no rope skills - take your Subby to the stall and get someone to tie him/her for you.

BUTT-A-PAT
Like pat-a-cake, but on bottoms with wooden paddles.

CANE SUGAR
When a sweet subby gets his/her just desserts.

CASH CROP
Implements owned by professional spanker.

CHASTITY BELT
The wallop a master gives his slave as punishment for picking her own lock.

CROP CIRCLE
Like a knitting circle, but for corporal punishment enthusiasts.

CROP ROTATION
What you do to avoid excessive wear and tear on whips, canes and crops.

HIDE AND SQUEAK
Game where subby hides implements and squeaks when dom finds - and uses - them.

ICE CREAM CODE
A code used by BDSM enthusiasts in ice-cream parlours:
Vanilla = plain
Raspberry Ripple = Caning, likes marks
Blackcurrant ripple = caning, likes long-lasting marks
Chocolate = bottom hole
Mint choc-chip = medical play
Any flavour with things sprinkled on it = likes topping
Neapolitan = 3 holes to choose from

LAST OF THE SUMMER WHINE
Game involving 3 whining subbie men and a domme called Nora Batter who has sagging latex stockings.

MARKS AND SPANKS 'ER
Department store for British corporal punishment afficionadoes.

PADDLING POOL
Like a typing pool, but full of submissives wanting for corporal punishment.

ROPE BURNS
Poet - like Robert Burns, but with S&M theme.

THRASH GORDON
BDSM super-hero whose "weapons" include flogger, crop, cane ....

WHIP ROUND
Like a Crop Circle (see above), but with whips.

It should have been called the "Perv's Protest". Hundreds of sado-masochists came out of their closets to join the anti-war march, hobbling along Whitehall in their stiletto heels and latex dresses - and that was just the men! Changing facilities were provided for the adult babies and their minders and while-u-wait shoe repair stalls at Piccadilly did a brisk trade in reheeling stilettos ready for the last leg of the march to Hyde Park.

Even before the march began, police were mobbed by a mob of hardcore uniform fetishists and by a contingent of submissives demanding to be arrested, thrown into a police dungeon and subjected to "some police brutality, please officer". The presence of police uniform fetishists among the marchers initially caused confusion, however, the Met are now said to be "considering the latex option" for community policing in strongly BDSM areas.

Outside Downing Street, several protestors chained each other to railings and solicited floggings from passers by. In an attempt to disperse the queue of obliging flogger-wielding dominants, police raised batons. The reaction of a number of CP enthusiasts was to "present" their behinds for a smacking. There was a small skirmish among those wishing to be beaten. However, in an interview after the protest, one CP enthusiast expressed disappointment at the batoning, saying, "My master gives me better pain with a paddle.".

When the Metropolitan police ran out of handcuffs, several "good citizen" sado-masochists offered them the use of their own. At the end of the day, police stock-checks revealed they had gained 54 pairs of handcuffs, including several of the newer designs.

Among the groups marching were WHIP (War Hurts Innocent People) and SCAT (Submissives' Coalition Against Terror) and, looking somewhat confused and out of place among the flesh, leather and latex, Bongo For Peace. Slogans proclaimed "Bush is Caught Between Iraq and a Hard Place" and "Mass Debate Against War". The march was led at a brisk pace by the Saddam Ass A-Kisseds Whip & Drum Ensemble.

At the rear, several whippers-in kept stiletto-stummbling stragglers up to speed. There was a small fracas towards the end of the rally when a group of armoured pony girls and boys charged the police horses. This was preceded by a cry of "ramming speed" from the drummers.