With the appointment of a considerable number of "young tigers" in the Company, it has been decided that with immediate effect, the works site will henceforth be redesignated a Safari Park. All staff who have not been designated young tigers will be re-classified as follows:

Work-horses
These will be drawn from the staff who actually do the work. This will account for about a third of the current staff including the donkeys (who do the donkey work) who are to be upgraded to work-horses. It will not include the secretary in Accounts (the unintelligent one with the perfect figure) who is a clothes-horse or executives who move madly to and fro all day, but never go anywhere and are consequently rocking-horses, or the old nag in the project office.

The company is aware that it has very few workhorses which is why, for the last several years, it has been flogging a dead horse.

Wise-owls
These are the staff who have been in the Company long enough to know better. These are not to be confused with smart-asses who have read two books and think they know it all. They can often be seen at meetings ticking boxes on charts.

Paper-tigers
Go round telling colleagues how to fight the system, but apart from placing anonymous notices on notice-boards, are rarely seen in action. Usually to be found behind word-processors composing vicious and anonymous memos or satirical articles.

Can’t-bears
Can’t bear it any longer, but dance along to the tune anyway and when the music stops they win the games of musical chairs whenever there are staff cuts. Always on the winning side and consequently change sides as often as they change underpants (frequently since they’re always s**tting themselves worrying about being on the wrong side.)

Fat-cats
Mainly senior management who are on the top salaries to line their bank accounts before moving on to a thicker creamier management post elsewhere.

Snakes-in-the-grass
Human Resources Department (except for the Adders, who are part of the Accounts Department).

Young parrots
Often to be seen hiding behind a word processor, incessantly chatting about their boyfriends and likely to fly off the handle if asked to do any work.

Old parrots
As above, but with the added topics of grandchildren and the latest prices at Wal-Mart.

POLICY
The policy is that young tigers will be allowed to roam freely around the site and prey on the work-horses. When all the work-horses have been consumed, the wise-owls and old parrots have flown, it will leave the fat-cats to consume the young tigers, paper tigers and can’t bears, screw the young parrots and squash the snakes-in-the-grass before moving on to another zoo. One day however, some sleeping dragons will awaken and stuff the fat cats into a weighted sack and toss them into the reception aquarium. Dragons, however, are mythical creatures and no firm sightings of them have ever been made. In the meantime, everyone who clears up the muck left behind are zookeepers and must deal with an increasing amount of bulls**t produced by all the other animals.