THIS NEWSPAPER IS READ BY .....
IN BRITAIN ...
The Times is read by the people who run the country.
The Daily Mail is read by the wives of the people who run the country.
The Financial Times is read by the people who own the country.
The Express is read by the people who think this country should be run as it used to be run.
The Telegraph is read by the people who think it still is their country.
The Guardian is read by the people who think they should be running this country.
The Mirror is read by the people who think they are running this country.
The Morning Star is read by the people who think the country ought to be run by another country.
The Independent is read by the people who don't know who runs the country but are sure they're doing it wrong.
The Evening Standard is read by people who are less interested in who's running the country than in getting a seat on the train home.
The Star is read by people who don't care who runs the country as long as they do something scandalous.
The Sun is read by the people who don't care who runs the country as long as she's got big boobs.
(The Sun is read by the people who don’t care who runs the country as long as the naked girl on page three is attractive.)
IN CANADA ...
The Ottawa Citizen is read by the people who run the country.
The Toronto Sun is read by the people who don't give a damn who runs the country, as long as she's got big boobs.
IN THE USA ...
The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.
USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.
The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country - if they could find the time - and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.
The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
The New York Post is read by people who don't care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.
The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country - or that anyone is running it - but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy provided, of course, that they are not Republicans.
The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
None of these is read by the guy from Texas who is running the country into the ground.