FEUDALISM
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

FASCISM
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM
You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of the cows and you all share the milk.

APPLIED COMMUNISM
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

DICTATOR
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

MILITARISM
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

AMERICAN DEMOCRACY
The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate". The cow sues you for breach of contact.

BRITISH DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. You feed them sheep's' brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.

EUROPEAN DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one and milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

BUSINESS ENTERPRISE
You have the cow, your neighbour has the bull. You sell the milk, calves and manure. You bullshit investors.

TOTALITARIANISM
You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.

LAND VALUE TAX (LVT)
You have two cows. The govt demands LVT. Your local customers move because the can't affort the LVT. Your income/demand drops. You sell a cow. Your income is not sufficient to continue to live on and pay LVT. You sell your last cow and move out to a tax haven with lots of cows - Jersey.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.

A HINDU CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

A HONG KONG CORPORATION
You have two cows. You kill one of them because the Feng Shui is bad. The other must always face in the same direction because Feng Shui says it will attract wealth.

AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION
You have two cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.

CATHOLICISM
Has a Papal Bull. Not to be confused with other denizens of Rome, Italy who kill bull in cruel arena spectacle and eat its testicles. Pope's testicles must be confirmed present due to historical 'Female Pope' mix-up; therefore are not eaten but still talks a load of bullocks about things he has no experience of: sex and contraception..

MORMONS
Have impressive gilded bulls in temple. Have herds of sister wives and stamina of bull.

HINDUISM
Has sacred cows. Feeds milk to religious statues.

ANGLICAN
Talks a load of bull, especially about whether or not women may join clergy.

BRANCH DAVIDIAN
Locks self in stable with cows, burns everything down rather than handing cows over to government officials investigating dairy for illegal milk-trading. Glut of roast beef on market.

AMERICAN
Has McDonalds.