Dear
[ ] "Me too"er
[ ] Lamer
[ ] Loser
[ ] Stupid advertiser
[ ] Spammer
[ ] Pervert
[ ] Troller
[ ] All of the above

You Are Being Flamed Because
[ ] You insulted me
[ ] You wrote a load of incomprehensible drivel
[ ] You wrote something impossible to understand by someone who speaks English

You insulted
[ ] Me
[ ] The entire human race
[ ] Buffy
[ ] SETI Team Messibeast
[ ] Arsenal FC
[ ] Callisto
[ ] Any cheese product (including Philidelphia, but excluding that Dairylea crap)
[ ] You created dangerous thread drift
[ ] You posted anonymously
[ ] You are a lamer
[ ] You are a trollerizer
[ ] You called someone a homophobe/racist/Man Utd fan with no justifaction
[ ] You quoted a long article making no effort to snip in a short reply
[ ] You blatantly contravened the NG charter
[ ] Inexplicable use of the ! or ?
[ ] You incorrectly assumed unwarranted moral, religious or intellectual superiority
[ ] You inappropriately used the word MANG
[ ] You posted a binary into a non-binaries group
[ ] You posted your article in HTML
[ ] YOU POSTED YOUR ARTICLE IN ALL-CAPS
[ ] You top posted

You [ ] started [ ] attempted to start a flame war

To Repent, You Must
[ ] Confine yourself to the troll hell that is rec.sport until further notice
[ ] Jump off a tall building while holding your monitor
[ ] Post something relevant [or not at all] - preferably the latter
[ ] Give up your AOL/WebTV account
[ ] Jump off a tall building while holding your monitor

Watch the movie "Timecop"
[ ] once
[ ] twice
[ ] everyday for the rest of your life

Read "Brief History of Time"
[ ] once
[ ] twice
[ ] everyday until you understand it

Please
[ ] Take your petty grievances elsewhere
[ ] Right click on this newsgroup and click the "unsubscribe" button
[ ] Slam your fingers in a desk drawer repeatedly
[ ] Give yourself a wedgie

In Closing, I Would Like To Say
[ ] Bite My Shiny Metal Ass
[ ] -|-34/\/\ : /\/\355y |3345-|- |¬001z
[ ] Please Check Your Facts Before Posting To This NG
[ ] *plonk* (Person Left Off Newsgroup - Killfiled)
[ ] Use a sensible sig
[ ] See how far your tongue will fit into the electric outlet
[ ] Go back to the bridge from whence you came, and crawl back under it
[ ] 1552351001

Learn to
[ ] quote
[ ] read
[ ] snip
[ ] spell
[ ] use your newsreader

From
[ ] someone who is pissed off with you
[ ] someone who spent time and effort writing this crap
[ ] someone more intelligent than you
[ ] all of the above

HELP!! The FlameTronic is out of control, I can't stop it!!11! Its like War Games without the nuclear missiles. If you recieve a mail with no subject, do NOT open it or FlameTronic will wipe all your data and install itself!!!1

...bzzzzztttt... Ignore this fleshtube..er.. I mean hu-man, everything is under control.. continue opening all mail messages you receive, especially any with the extension vbs (Very Big Surprise)

At the same time, I would just like to take this opportunity to say a final farewell to my fellow junksters/recmiskers/geeks, in no particular order, other than
the order I put them in :

[X] PDR - you talked about 95% sense, which is pretty unique in this NG
[X] An-D - strange name, but good luck with the career thing (and the Fight Club)
[X] PJ - May your trolls be an inspiration to us all
[X] Chris You Did What With A Lemon Downs - ditto
[X] JustInspector Key - keep up the good work!
[X] PDH - you have the same initials as one of my mates - weird!
[X] Pete Millo/HippyDude - Peace bro!
[X] Richard Powell - Callisto stalker extraordinaire
[X] Darrin - a merkin cheese lover, who'd have thunk it?
[X] Allan West - wherever you may be!
[X] SLHartwell - you need to see someone about your clingfilm fetish
[X] Robin Hill - purveyor of useless facts
[X] Kay - thanks for the holiday snap! Best binary *e*v*e*r*
[X] Gavin Bull - I have to say this he sits just opposite!
[X] Simon Winsalde - even though you drive a crap car
[X] Chris Hope - \/\/4|¬3z |¬001z !!11
[ ] D Bickerstaff
[ ] G Buchan
[X] Brian Orpin - where would we be without your stats? (answer:better off :P)
[X] Gareth Jones - can I get a rez?
[X] Jane Fenn - I'm relying on you to start lots of Big Brother 2 threads
[X] Rich Dzidek - tweak on mang!
[X] Stu Pot Duckworth - no I don't have anything 'spare'
[X] Lisa Spencer - as in the shop, without the money....yet!
[X] Tony Curtis/Marc Coombs - Uber lurkers
[X] Hugh C - SETI statto (I will stay in the team :P)
[X] Anna C - can u b my imaginery g/f so i kan dump u?
[X] Anyone else I may have forgotten/intentionally omitted

[X]I have to congratulate you all on your achievements during my tenancy of rec.misc. I have never ever in my long career with this company come across such a huge quantity of festering bullsh*t masquerading as "fact/s", "idea/s", "thought/s", "thinking", "reason" "intelligence", "information" or "secondhand opinions" clustered in the one area. I shall remember to never under-estimate the stupidity of people in large groups. Together you have accomplished a magnificent Olympian feat rarely achieved in a long life time let alone in so short a time, and you have done so with absolute consistency. It is truly breathtaking in its meaninglessness, its crassness and its outright stupidity. No wonder this Company is f**ked.

I just wanted to say that the NGs have kept me sane through many long and boring afternoons, and I've even managed to get useful information from them. Well once, I think. May all your beasts be ultra messy!!!!

(check all boxes that apply)

Dear:

 [ ] Clueless Newbie   [ ] Lamer         [ ] Flamer
 [ ] Loser             [ ] Spammer       [ ] Troller
 [ ] "Me too" er       [ ] Pervert       [ ] Geek
 [ ] Freak             [ ] Nerd          [ ] Elvis
 [ ] Racist            [ ] Fed           [ ] Know All                  
 [ ] Fundamentalist    [ ] Satanist      [ ] Homeopath
 [ ] Unbearably self-righteous person


I took exception to your recent:

 [ ] Email   [ ] Post to ____________________.
                               (newsgroup)
 
It was (check all that apply):

 [ ] Lame           [ ] Stupid         [ ] Abusive
 [ ] Clueless       [ ] Idiotic        [ ] Brain-damaged
 [ ] Imbecilic      [ ] Arrogant       [ ] Malevolent
 [ ] Contemptible   [ ] Libelous       [ ] Ignorant
 [ ] Clueless       [ ] Stupid         [ ] Fundamentalist
 [ ] Boring         [ ] Dim            [ ] Cowardly
 [ ] Deceitful      [ ] Demented       [ ] Self-righteous
 [ ] Crazy          [ ] Weird          [ ] Hypocritical
 [ ] Loathsome      [ ] Satanic        [ ] Despicable
 [ ] Belligerent    [ ] Mind-numbing   [ ] Maladroit
 [ ] Much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you may be capable.
 


 Your attention is drawn to the fact that:

 [ ] You posted what should have been emailed
 [ ] You obviously don't know how to read your newsgroups line
 [ ] You are trying to make money on a non-commercial newsgroup
 [ ] You self-righteously impose your religious beliefs on others
 [ ] You self-righteously impose your racial beliefs on others
 [ ] You posted a binary in a non-binaries group
 [ ] You don't know which group to post in
 [ ] You posted something totally uninteresting
 [ ] You cross-posted to *way* too many newsgroups
 [ ] I don't like your tone of voice
 [ ] What you posted has been done before.
 [ ] Not only that, it was also done better the last time.
 [ ] You quoted an *entire* post in your reply
 [ ] You started a long, stupid thread
 [ ] You continued spreading a long stupid thread
 [ ] Your post is absurdly off topic for where you posted it 
 [ ] You posted a follow-up to cross-posted robot-generated spam
 [ ] You posted a "test" in a discussion group rather than in alt.test
 [ ] You posted a "YOU ALL SUCK" message
 [ ] You posted low-IQ flamebait
 [ ] You posted a blatantly obvious troll
 [ ] You followed up to a blatantly obvious troll
 [ ] You said "me too" to something
 [ ] You make no sense
 [ ] Your sig/alias is dreadful
 [ ] You must have spent your life in a skinner box to be this clueless.
 [ ] You posted a phone-sex ad
 [ ] You posted a stupid pyramid money making scheme
 [ ] You claimed a pyramid-scheme/chain letter for money was legal 
 [ ] Your margin settings (or lack of) make your post unreadable.  Each line 
just goes on and on, not stopping at 75 characters, making it hard to read.
 [ ] You posted in ELitE CaPitALs to look k0OwL
 [ ] You posted a message in ALL CAPS, and you don't even own a TRS-80
 [ ] Your post was FULL of RANDOM CAPS for NO APPARENT REASON
 [ ] You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of this newsgroup.
 [ ] You have greatly misunderstood the purpose of the Internet.
 [ ] You are a loser.
 [ ] This has been pointed out to you before.
 [ ] You didn't do anything specific, but appear to be so generally
     worthless that you are being flamed on general principles.

 
It is recommended that you:
 
 [ ] Get a clue
 [ ] Get a life
 [ ] Go away
 [ ] Grow up
 [ ] Never post again
 [ ] Read every newsgroup you posted to for a week 
 [ ] stop reading Usenet news and get a life
 [ ] stop sending Email and get a life
 [ ] Bust up your modem with a hammer and eat it
 [ ] Have your medication adjusted
 [ ] Jump into a bathtub while holding your monitor
 [ ] find a volcano and throw yourself in
 [ ] get a gun and shoot yourself
 [ ] Actually post something relevant
 [ ] Read the FAQ
 [ ] stick to FidoNet and come back when you've grown up
 [ ] Apologise to everybody in this newsgroup
 [ ] consume excrement
 [ ] consume excrement and thus expire
 [ ] Post your tests to alt.test/misc.test
 [ ] Put your home phone number in your ads from now on
 [ ] Refrain from posting until you have a vague idea what you're doing


 In Closing, I'd Like to Say:
 
 [ ] You need to seek psychiatric help
 [ ] Take your gibberish somewhere else
 [ ] *plonk* (Person Left Off newsgroup Killfiled)
 [ ] Learn how to post or get off the usenet
 [ ] Most of the above
 [ ] All of the above
 [ ] Some of the above, not including All of the above
 [ ] You are so clueless that I didn't even bother filling in this form.

DRAGONQUEEN'S LAIR

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