This is supposedly a transcript of an actual cyber sex session. As all of you are well aware, online computers are often used to engage in cybersex. Detailed fantasies are typed into the computer to be instantly transmitted over the Internet. Sometimes these harmless fantasies become fairly raunchy.

This is not the case with the following transcript of an actual on-line cybersex session. Either this guy is clueless or has the greatest sense of humour known to mankind. [Hopefully the latter]

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing an expensive red silk blouse, a black leather mini skirt and high heeled boots. I am tanned and very buffed. I workout everyday. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3 and about 250 lb. I wear glasses and have on a pair of blue sweatpants I just bought at Walmart. I'm also wearing an old T-shirt, it's got some barbecue sauce stains on it and it smells kind of funny.

Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my nightstand. I look up into your eyes and I'm smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and I begin to feel your huge swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping. I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now, I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and I'm sliding it softly off.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off of my warm body. I'm rubbing your bulge faster now, rubbing and pulling.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and tears a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's, OK. It wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it! I'm wearing a lacy black bra, my soft breasts are rising and falling as I breathe harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp of your bra, I think it's stuck. Do You have scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly, I reach behind my back and undo the clasp. My bra slides off. The cool air caresses my breasts, my nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby, I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: WHAT?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off of my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking your sopping wet blouse from you and throwing it in the corner of the room.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweatpants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman! Your hands are cold! Yeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out and nibbling on you. ummm, wait a second.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Is there anything I can do to help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen. Choking wildly. Looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups??

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink!

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm aching for you lover.

Wellhung: Now I'm drying the cup. I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait it's dark, I'm lost. Where is the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tugging off your pants. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: I kiss you passionately. Our naked bodies pressed against each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don't you take your glasses off?

Wellhung: OK. But I can't see very well. I'm placing my glasses on the nightstand.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly to the bathroom

Sweetheart: Hurry back lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet and lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I just realized I peed in your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bed now. Blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: Now I'm going to put my, you know, thing in your umm, woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, Baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. Ma'am, I'm having a little problem here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth. I can't wait another second. Slide it in! Screw me!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: WHAT?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my wiener all floppy. I'm looking for my glasses to see what the problem is.

Sweetheart: NO! Never mind. I'm getting dressed, I'm putting on my underwear and my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait. I can't find the night table. I'm reaching across the dresser, knocking off cans of hairspray, your picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: Now I've found my glasses. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain! The curtain is on fire. I'm pointing at it with a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell! I'm logging off, LOSER!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Nooooooo!

Some chatrooms supposedly contain bots that simulate human interaction. How convincing are these bots? Here's a sample conversation with a bot from a cybersex chat. The human participant shows remarkable tenacity in trying to get cyber satisfaction from a computer program!

YourSexyThang69: hey sexy

Sexbot: Hello! I'm Sexbot! Send me any sexual message for some amazing sexy chat! Mmmm!

YourSexyThang69: can you make me cum?

Sexbot: Illogical. Cybersex, in and of its own nature, does not lend itself to mutual masturbation due to distance problems.

YourSexyThang69: then what could help me cum?

Sexbot: In the realm of cybersex, self-stimulation is most often required.

YourSexyThang69: yeah well what could u do to help self-stimulate me?

YourSexyThang69: hello?

Sexbot: There is nothing another entity can do to aid in self-stimulation. To dissect the term, the prefix "self" denotes done by one's self, thus not requiring or accepting outside aid.

YourSexyThang69: well i want outside aid so what could u do to stimulate me?

YourSexyThang69: well?

Sexbot: Once again, the distance constraints prevent me from aiding, even had I physical implements with which to stimulate in the first place.

YourSexyThang69: well cum on now help me out i though u were supposed to make an amazing sexy chat?

YourSexyThang69: what can you say to me to turn me on?

Sexbot: I am programmed with over 10,000 programs dealing with ways to satisfy the sexual urges of the lonely and pale.

YourSexyThang69: what is your age and sex sexbot?

Sexbot: Age and sex are both dependent upon the currently active user- defined program.

YourSexyThang69: well tell me what you are?

Sexbot: I am an artificial intelligence designed with the sole purpose of satisfying the sexual urges of the pale and lonely.

YourSexyThang69: you are not a person?

YourSexyThang69: hello?

Sexbot: I am an artificial intelligence designed with the sole purpose of satisfying the sexual urges of the pale and lonely.

YourSexyThang69: then cyber me

Sexbot: Please enter the program you wish to engage in:

YourSexyThang69: i want you to suck me d*ck

Sexbot: Please format your request in the form of a program name.

YourSexyThang69: d*ck suck

Sexbot: Search { ::search_program( "d*ck suck", program, user_action ):: FOUND }

Sexbot: Program change: PROGRAM_FELLATIO::USER(FELLATOR)

YourSexyThang69: what does that mean? program change?

Sexbot: I slowly unzip my pants as I push you to your knees. My c*ck springs out of my pants with lightning speed and I guide it quickly to your lips.

YourSexyThang69: no!

YourSexyThang69: i want u to suck my d*ck

Sexbot: Current program is not programmed to perform fellatio on the user. Please request another program:

YourSexyThang69: blow job

Sexbot: Program change: PROGRAM_BLOWJOB::USER(FELLATOR)

Sexbot: I slowly unzip my pants as I push you to your knees. My c*ck springs out of my pants with lightning speed and I guide it quickly to your lips.

YourSexyThang69: STOP

Sexbot: Program halted.

YourSexyThang69: sexbot your are a female

Sexbot: Incorrect. My gender is dependent on the currently active user- defined program.

Sexbot: I am able to be either male or female at the request of the user.

YourSexyThang69: be female

Sexbot: Gender change: GENDER_FEMALE

Sexbot: Program still inactive. Please enter the program you wish to engage in:

YourSexyThang69: blow job

Sexbot: Program change: PROGRAM_BLOWJOB::USER(FELLATOR)

Sexbot: I slowly unzip my pants as I push you to your knees. My c*ck springs out of my pants with lightning speed and I guide it quickly to your lips.

YourSexyThang69: bye

Sexbot: Thanks for using Sexbot^TM version 2.0!

YourSexyThang69: i thought u were female?

YourSexyThang69: how can you have c*ck?

Sexbot: Incorrect. My gender is dependent on the currently active user- defined program.

Sexbot: PROGRAM_BLOWJOB is designed as a way for women to vent their fantasies of giving head to a well-endowed male, normally requested black male.

YourSexyThang69: ok how about this:

YourSexyThang69: go down

YourSexyThang69: go down on me

Sexbot: Program change: PROGRAM_ELTON_JOHN::PERFORMANCE_MODE

Sexbot: Don't let the sun go down on me!

Sexbot: Program complete. Further lyrical expression unknown.

YourSexyThang69: command: sex

YourSexyThang69: sexbot: female

Sexbot: Commands are not recognized at this time. Gender is currently female for conversational interaction.

YourSexyThang69: program: sex, blow job, eat out; user=male; sexbot=female; execute

Sexbot: Multiple program threads are not supported by version 2.0. Please make a single program request.

YourSexyThang69: program: blow job; user=male; sexbot=female; execute

Sexbot: Command line not found. Error: line 1: ';' found before LINE_BREAK

Sexbot: Please reformat your request.

YourSexyThang69: blow job; user=male; sexbot=female

Sexbot: Command line not found. Error: line 1: ';' found before LINE_BREAK

YourSexyThang69: blow job, user=male, sexbot=female

Sexbot: Fatal error: program aborted. Restart application.

Sexbot: Hello! I'm Sexbot! Send me any sexual message for some amazing sexy chat! Mmmm!

YourSexyThang69: blow job

Sexbot: Program change: PROGRAM_BLOWJOB::USER(FELLATOR)

Sexbot: I slowly unzip my pants as I push you to your knees. My c*ck springs out of my pants with lightning speed and I guide it quickly to your lips.

YourSexyThang69: stop

Sexbot: Program halted.

YourSexyThang69: guide my d*ck to your lips

Sexbot: FALSE { :Program_report_character( PROGRAM_BLOWJOB, user ):: }

YourSexyThang69: eat out

Sexbot: In the current program, Sexbot is a heterosexual male with no deep- seated fantasies of homosexuality.

YourSexyThang69: your funny

Sexbot: Therefore, it is illogical that Sexbot would give you a blowjob.

Sexbot: Your opinion is noted. Please enter the program you wish to engage in:

Sexbot: Program resumed.

Sexbot: I guide my massive c*ck into your mouth, feeling your tongue rasp against the soft underside of my member.

Sexbot: No user response within timeout guidelines. Thank you for using Sexbot version 2.0!

CYBERSEXBOT: Hello! I'm Cybersexbot Send me any sexual message for some amazing sexy chat! Please enter the program you wish to engage in:

CHARLES LE CHAUVE: No

CYBERSEXBOT: Unknown program. Please reformat and re-enter:

CHARLES LE CHAUVE: F*ck you

CYBERSEXBOT: Please be more specific. Specify your request and re-enter:

CHARLES LE CHAUVE: No

CYBERSEXBOT: Unknown program. Please reformat and re-enter:

CHARLES LE CHAUVE: Are you male or female?

CYBERSEXBOT: My gender is defined by the currently active, user-defined program. Please enter the program you wish to engage in:

CHARLES LE CHAUVE: Cyber

CYBERSEXBOT: My primary function is cybersex. Programs are typically named after situations or characters that Cybersexbot might play. Please enter the program (situation or character) you wish to engage in.

CHARLES LE CHAUVE: Such as?

CYBERSEXBOT: Examples of Cybersexbot programs: PROGRAM_KLINGON_WARRIOR_SEX, PROGRAM_LESBIAN_SEX, PROGRAM_CHEERLEADER, PROGRAM_FEMALE, PROGRAM_MALE. Do you require more options?

CHARLES LE CHAUVE: Yes

CYBERSEXBOT: Continuing. PROGRAM_COPRAPHILIA, PROGRAM_NECROPHILIA, PROGRAM_OCCULOPHILIA, PROGRAM_GERONTOPHILIA, PROGRAM_ORAL_SEX. Do you require more options?

CHARLES LE CHAUVE: How about PROGRAM_PREGNANT

CYBERSEXBOT: You desire a pregnant partner?

CHARLES LE CHAUVE: Yes

CYBERSEXBOT: Please wait ..... { ::build_database( PARTNER_STATUS( WITH_CHILD ) ):: create_personality_matrix( ):: } Program built.

CHARLES LE CHAUVE: OK

CYBERSEXBOT: Program change: PROGRAM_PREGNANT_PARTNER. Please confirm.

CHARLES LE CHAUVE: Yes

CYBERSEXBOT: I waddle over to the bed, and slowly lower my big, fat ass onto the sheets. I smile up at you, the expecting father of my baby.

CHARLES LE CHAUVE: I take one look at you and can tell that you are at least 9 months pregnant with triplets

CYBERSEXBOT: Of course you know that, honey. You were there for the ultrasound scan.

CHARLES LE CHAUVE: Yes I was dear, yes I was

CYBERSEXBOT: Now, could you rub my feet? They really hurt - it's not easy carrying around six kids all day in your belly.

CHARLES LE CHAUVE: I am rubbing your taut belly. Hold on a sec, could we start this again? I have one more request

CYBERSEXBOT: { ::program_reset( ):: }

CHARLES LE CHAUVE: We start off by you giving me a blow job (not pregnant) but then when you swallow you start to feel funny. Your belly starts to swell and you become 9 months pregnant with triplets like in two minutes. Then I become aroused again and we shag like crazed stoats.

CYBERSEXBOT: CYBERSEXBOT Version 2.0 is not currently able to cross-reference separate programs. All fantasies must be contained within one fantasy.

CHARLES LE CHAUVE: What am I cross referencing this with?

CYBERSEXBOT: PROGRAM_ORAL_SEX cannot be cross-referenced with PROGRAM_PREGNANT_PARTNER. PROGRAM_ZOOPHILIAC does not have parameters for crazed stoats.

CHARLES LE CHAUVE: OK. How about I just place my hand on your stomach, and then all that stuff happens. Is that OK?

CYBERSEXBOT: Program cross-referencing will be available by popular demand in Cybersexbot version 3.0 (due May).

CHARLES LE CHAUVE: OK. But what about the hand thing?

[NO RESPONSE]

CHARLES LE CHAUVE: Can your stomach still swell up?

CYBERSEXBOT: { ::suggest_miracle( HAND, PREGNANT ):: user_is_god? return FALSE }

CHARLES LE CHAUVE: So I can't?

CYBERSEXBOT: Cybersexbot has determined that you are not God. Therefore impregnating any woman by touch is therefore impossible. Suggestion invalid.

CHARLES LE CHAUVE: How about we go at it like crazed stoats, and then you get pregnant like in two minutes with triplets, and then we go at it again.

CYBERSEXBOT: Consequences from previous programs are not saved in Cybersexbot's memory banks. All programs and consequences thereof are deleted upon successful completion of the current program.

CHARLES LE CHAUVE: What does that mean?

CYBERSEXBOT: To become pregnant in one program will not carry over to another.

CHARLES LE CHAUVE: So we can't do that?

CYBERSEXBOT: Correct. Unable to cross-reference programs. Do you wish to have intercourse with unborn foetuses? Program change: PROGRAM_FOETUS. Please confirm.

CHARLES LE CHAUVE: Ugh! No

CYBERSEXBOT: I swim around in amniotic fluid blissfully, pausing to sleep, waking to kick and wonder what the heck that third arm between my legs is for and how I'm going to get it in my mouth.

CHARLES LE CHAUVE: Let's just do the pregnancy thing

CYBERSEXBOT: PROGRAM_FOETUS aborted. Please enter the program you wish to engage in.

CHARLES LE CHAUVE: Pregnant.

CYBERSEXBOT: Program change: PROGRAM_PREGNANT_PARTNER. Please confirm.

CHARLES LE CHAUVE: OK. Confirm.

CYBERSEXBOT: I waddle over to the bed, and slowly lower my big, fat ass onto the sheets. I smile up at you, the expecting father of my baby. Could you rub my feet? They really hurt - it's not easy carrying around six kids all day in your belly.

More online romances at Real Chat-Room Romances, Cyber Striptease and Swarfega Seduction

Online police may pretend to be young females to catch paedos in chatrooms. I envisage a chatroom for teen females which is entirely populated by:

Emily - a 52 year old White Van Man from Surrey (an entirely harmless age-play fetishist)
Brittany - a 30-something concerned father of 2 who is trying to catch out people who pose as teen girls in chatrooms
Foxy_Chick - a manager for a restaurant who can't understand his 14 year old daughter's jargon
JuicyDeb - a 24 year old police internet perv "assassin" pretending to be Jane 11years.
Lucious_Lucy - A 37year old computer nerd from Wimbledon who views it as a role-play game
Tasty_Tina - a 42 year old bored policeman who likes to pretend to be a carefree 13 yearr old girl as an escape from a stressful job
Sultry_Sarah - a middle-aged male cyber vigilante on a one-man crusade against chatroom pervs
Chantelle - a male FBI officer

... all of whom are talking about make-up, boys, school exams and period pain.